Category :

Career Advice

Rules for Confronting a Difficult Band Member

Rules for Confronting a Difficult Band Member
A Guest Post by Unified Manufacturing

Don’t confront him in front of his girlfriend or sister or mother. Every guy wants to be a hero if his girlfriend or sister is around so you better not poke his ego during those moments. That spells H-E-L-L for you. And, of course, it is very rude in general. Talk to him in private. On the other side of the coin, if you want things to be okay, if you want to connect with this difficult band member, then this is the perfect time. Place him in a pedestal for a few seconds and it might have good results on your friendship. These difficult guys are difficult for many reasons and I bet one of the main reasons is their insecurity.

Don’t confront him over some beers. Oh yes I know you only become talkative and open when you’re drunk. You want your conversation to be cool and relaxed.  But you’re inviting danger! Talking about someone’s attitude over some drinks is a big no-no. Alcohol can make us say crazy, do crazy things. Most people also don’t take any conversation from the beer session seriously because they think it just might be the alcohol talking. If you want to talk about a serious matter, do it with rhum. Kidding. You can have a couple of beers as long as you drink moderately. But, you know, sometimes when the issue is so heavy we tend to drink more than usual. So better be safe. Don’t mix sensitive talk and alcohol.

All you need is charm. If you’re not the most charming person in the band, if you’re his least favorite, then you might want to let the charming one do the talking for the group. Difficult plus semi-difficult equals trouble. You might need to read our 5 Personality tips for musicians if you think you’re kinda unpleasant.

Don’t tally his every bad deed. Don’t keep count of his bad and good deeds after your confrontation unless he’s a thief. I mean, come on! If he’s only difficult because of his personality and he’s willing to change, then give him some time to change. You should bear in mind that it takes time for all of you (yes, you!)to adjust.

Have some team building activities. So maybe there’s tension because all of you are friends since high school and this guy is just a newcomer (an extremely talented newcomer). So you watch his every move, pay attention to his every annoying habit just because he’s the new guy. If you have that unwelcoming heart… let’s say you really believe this guy is from hell, then give him a chance to prove to you that he’s not.  The way to do this is bond beyond music. Travel, watch a game together, eat in an exotic cuisine. Please talk about something aside from your music. Shake things up a bit and get to know him better. Trust me, you’ll find a good trait or two.

Don’t give him a stupid nickname. He’s not as dumb as you think. He’ll know. This nickname calling will also make you and the rest of the team feel like you’re one solid group against him which will intensify the tension. I don’t care if you’re still in high school. Please, don’t act like high school kids! Bullying is fun and you just might want to find fault in him so you have a reason to “bond” with the other guys in attacking him. Re-evaluate. If you’re the type of person who gives nicknames, I don’t think the guy’s the difficult member.

Count to 20 before you respond to an offensive remark. Okay, 10..or  5. My point is, not right away. The goal is to become assertive- not aggressive. Assert, Assert, Assert without causing trouble. If you don’t want to be treated like a clump of dirt, tell him so. Tell him specifically what you do not want in a non-provoking manner. You should have a commanding voice and a straight face that says “I don’t want to be treated this way. I mean it”. There shouldn’t be “or else I’m gonna punch your eye”.

Every confrontation should be constructive. If you believe in your band’s talent and if you really like them as individuals, then you have to make it work. Do not confront if you just want to release your hard feelings or because you “can’t stop yourself”. Just speak about your ill feelings to your imaginary friend or journal. When you’re no longer that passionate about him, that’s the time you confront him. T

Accept that there are just annoying people…who are extremely talented. Oh yes. And if you think you can tolerate his behavior for the benefit of your band, then make it work. But if you think you’ve had enough ass-kissing and bending that it affects your views about music, music-making, and life in general, then it’s time to say bye-bye.

I believe making and playing music should be fun. There are more important things to deal with (making music!) than annoying band mates. But I also believe that difficult people are everywhere if we try our best to find them. In fact, I think every band has one or two.  If you can’t stand difficult people, then you should just be a one-man band. But wait, even so…you will still deal with lots of difficult people. It could be your manager, your stylist, your major sponsor. The important thing is patience and communication skills. I believe that if you follow the rules above, you’ll live and make music more harmoniously.


photo from:


Unified Manufacturing is a custom CD/DVD and Vinyl Manufacturing facility based on both sides of the US. Our clients range from indie artists to major label artists such as Stevie Wonder, Sheryl Crow, and Ringo Starr. If you need an Instant Quote on a project AND you want FREE SHIPPING ( free shipping on all quotes from the blog) – Then CLICK HERE.


5 Mistakes to Avoid When Preparing Your Demo

Everything You Need to Know About Branding

How to Sell More Music as an Unsigned Artist

Musicians, the gig economy, and online learning... a happy (but dysfunctional) family.

If You Want to be a Recording Artist You Need the Right Development

15 Things You Must Do to Make it in the Music Industry

Saying no to everything else

Managing Expectations

Consistency Equals Success

How To Get Better: Practice

Separate The Emotion From The Event

Turn it down a few notches, please!

Are You Taking Ownership Of Your Songwriting Success?

The Shawshank Songwriter

Show Me Your Songwriting Friends, And I'll Show You Your Future

Getting out of a bad place

Taking your Music From a Hobby to a Career

How to change or build your career


4 important qualities of a band manager

Touring Advantages/Disadvantages From Less Than Jake

What musicians can learn from Joan Rivers

What you can learn from Bob Dylan's Career

Yes You're Talented, But Remember This…

Two Things That You Can Do to Start Making Music Industry Contacts Today

Promoting Music Internationally – The Right Way

How to Sell More Merchandise at Your Show

How To Reach The Best Music Business Contacts. Period.

4 Ways To Be A Boss A$$ Indie Artist

Are you over looking this strategy to becoming a better musician

Why You Should Be Doing House Shows

It's All of Your Business

Don't Buy Your Own Tunes

What If You Didn't Need Money or Attention?

Why Bands Need to Stop Bitching

What's In Your Toolbox?

Why You Need a Live Music Producer (And Don't Even Know It)

Many Eggs, Many Baskets: How to Make a Living as a Musician in 2014

Your Music is Just a Hobby. So What? Part 1 of TBD

Defining Success And How To Achieve It With A Career In Music

Why Talent Isn't Enough

Why You Need Your Own Superhero Alter-Ego

How To Make It In The Music Industry

What If The Label Says "YES"?

How to Avoid Artistically Starving to Death

20 Worst Indie Artist Mistakes

Why Your Most Important Tool In Being A Successful Indie Musician Might Actually Be Your Day Job

The Importance of Branding as Recording Artists

Why Bad Days Can Do You A World Of Good

How To Tell If You Need Singing Lessons

How To Ruin Your Music Career In 10 Easy Steps – Part 2 (Steps 6-10)

How to Stay Motivated to Make Music

The Self-Promotion Tactic that Fails Every Time

3 Important Lessons In Success From Bob Dylan

Sell 1000 CD's In a Weekend

Music Licensing – 90 Day Challenge

Superfans: The Key to a Sustainable Music Career

A Solution To The DIY Artists Biggest Challenge

How To Ruin Your Music Career In 10 Easy Steps – Part 1 (Steps 1-5)

What to Look For In A Distributor

Does 99% of Jazz Suck? – The Jazz Kickstarter That Seduced 870 Backers

Are You Making These 9 Band Rehearsal Mistakes?

Enhancing Your Music Marketing: The Ultimate Guide to Creating Press Kits for Musicians

7 Important Aspects to Getting Noticed in the Music World

7 Tactics to Double the Size of Your Fanbase

Why The Vocals On Your Track Are Vitally Important And How You Can Improve Them

Top 3 Tips To Find The Right Singing Teacher

Some Will Always Say You're Wrong

That Time'n Thang

Leap Of Faith


Question & Doubt

Eat Lighting

Connecting With People In The Industry

Five Reasons You're Not Licensing More Music

The Importance Of Following Up In The Music Licensing Business

How To Fund Your Band's Kickstarter When You Have No Fan Base

Human Intervention as a Competitive Advantage

A Quick & Dirty Guide to Branding

Why it Pays to Replace Self-Promotion with Selflessness

Valuable To Others, or Only You?

It's All Who You Know?

Ignore Your Website & Social Networks and Your Career Will Suffer

Three Intelligent Ways to Make a Living as a Musician

What Musicians Should Carry at all Times

Sometimes Big Promo Doesn't Work

Avoid Band Drama: Be Up Front

How To Effectively Handle A Flaky Band Member

Why No One Is Listening To Your Music

Establish Your Blueprint

How To Avoid Serious Mistakes When Choosing An Agent

Managing The Fear of The Unknown In The Music Industry

How To Balance A Family, Your Music Career, And Your Stresses

MusicPreneur - The New Music Industry Mindset

Band Leading 202 - Gigs

How Does An Independent Artist Stay Relevant While Creating New Music?

What It Takes To Be A Successful DIY Independent Artist

Band Leading 101 - Rehearsal

How To Make Lots Of Money Selling Your Merchandise

Why You Need Great Pictures As An Artist

Overnight Success - Does That Happen?

The Power of Positive Thinking

Goal Setting Tips That Work

Easy Tips For Engaging Your Fans

Getting Things Done As A Team

4 Common Newsletter Mistakes You Should Avoid

Creating Your Social Media Image

Effectively Utilize Your Youtube Music Videos

Tips For Building A Bigger Fanbase

How To Build A Professional Music Team

The Top 5 Ways To Get Noticed in Today's Music Industry

Why Radio Spins Matter And Tips On How To Get Them

Networking Essentials For The Music Business

Why You Should Be On Pinterest

Signup Free